I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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