I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
