Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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