Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
