i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
