Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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