Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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