Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
