I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
