maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
