i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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