The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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