the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
