I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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