Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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