What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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