i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
