I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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