oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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