just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
