I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We need to get me chipped asap
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
