You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
