Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The beer is more important than you right now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
