Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
