I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
