this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
