I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
