literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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