I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
