evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
