I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
