Are we in a gay sports bar?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
