did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
