but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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