My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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