I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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