Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
