im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
