Porn is love you can see.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
