I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's shark week go big or go home
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
