I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
