Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
