this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
