I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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