I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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