I smell stomach acid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
