8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
