they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
