You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
