I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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