ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
