are you still at the devil's house?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This baby is an asshole
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Enjoy the penises
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
