I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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