Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
