i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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