College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
