i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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