Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
