Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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