She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
