Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
