I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
