So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
