I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
